Most people cannot escape the experience of toxic polarization that is sadly a defining feature of our country these days. Toxic polarization speaks to the reality that some people are so committed to their political viewpoints that they are not only unwilling to engage and dialogue with people that don’t agree, but will actively attack those who disagree with their perspective.
While it is annoying and frustrating to experience this dynamic in news and social media, it truly hits home when we experience it in our families, friendships, or religious communities. People who previously have actively loved and respected one another either don’t speak with each other, or if they do, have learned to not discuss different topics because that experience of discussion can be so unpleasant and threatening to the relationship.
And yet, how are we going to grow as families, friends, communities, or as a country if we can’t discuss some of the things we care about the most? Without dialogue with someone with a different point of view, we stay locked in our perspectives and don’t have the opportunity to see where our perspectives may be limiting, naive, unhelpful, or even dangerous. Our rabbinic tradition speaks about the importance of machloket shem shamayim – or “arguments for the sake of heaven.” When two people approach disagreement with a spirit of uncovering truth, not proving themselves right or trying to convince another of their point of view, the experience is truly beneficial.
However, as we know, not everyone wants to engage in these kinds of discussions. At what point does a person’s presence in our life or community become toxic and unhelpful? What are the boundaries to inclusion?
Our Kabbalistic tradition has some terminology to describe consciousness and reality that could be helpful in these questions. We can perceive life through orot (lights), keylim (vessels), and klippot (shells or husks).
All of life is both an expression of light and vessel. The awareness of truth, love, beauty, and goodness is the experience of or – light. And the mediums that we experience that light – whether through physicality, speech, or music are called keylim or vessels. Our spiritual masters teach that God’s oneness means that Divine light permeates every vessel. It’s the light that not only infuses the vessel, but makes it possible.
When we don’t experience the light within the vessel, it is because we are experiencing a klippah – a shell or husk of consciousness that conceals the light from us. This klippah is a dynamic of our own consciousness and is the experience of only experiencing the vessel and not the light inside. When we only experience the vessel, we only perceive reality through our own limited filter. If the vessel is physical, then we only see it through our own preferences – finding it pleasurable or not. If the vessel is one of concepts or ideas, we only are drawn towards those that reinforce our worldview and reality maps, and push away those that challenge them.
Our political viewpoints – whether they lean right or left, conservative or liberal have the potential to be imbued with light – with thoughtfulness, presence, and the desire to enhance and protect what is good and true. Our political viewpoints have the potential of shining light when they don’t cut us off from other people – when we can share our perspective, but also listen with curiosity. Our political viewpoints can shine light when we don’t clutch them close like idols – when they are impenetrable to other ways of thinking. Whether on the right or the left, the “moderate” perspective allows us to stay in connection with those different from us and learn and grow together.
When our political viewpoints keep us from being in relationship with others, when we can’t see the goodness in other people if they don’t see the world the way that we do, when we feel threatened by perspectives that are different than ours, then our attachment to our viewpoint has become a klippah – a shell that blocks the light from coming through. Our perspective, whether conservative or liberal, is not able to accommodate information that doesn’t agree with it, it is rigid and unyielding. It has become “extreme.”
In our country right now, the most meaningful division of political perspectives is not between “right” or “left” – it’s between moderate and extreme. It’s between those people who are able to see the light that shines through the world – whether the world of matter or the world of thought, and those who only see the klippot – the shells – projecting their inner world on everything else.
It’s this “extreme” perspective that is toxic when enacted. It’s toxic because in the mind of the extremist, who is not able to see the light in anyone or anything that doesn’t fit into their worldview, there is the potential for abuse – verbal or physical.
It’s with the extremists, in our families, communities, or country, where strong boundaries are needed to protect the building, deepening, and growing of relationships. These strong boundaries are ones that insist that the light in each person is acknowledged through respectful speech and action. We need to be cautious about how we include people who are not willing to share their perspective in ways that are respectful to others. On a personal level, it may be that we don’t discuss certain issues. On a community or national level, it may be that those people don’t hold positions of leadership. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but when that opinion vilifies another person, not acknowledging their basic human dignity, then their inclusion will be toxic.
On the other hand, if we encounter or in relationship with people who have different opinions and perspectives than we do on consequential issues and they are able to listen and share respectfully without having to agree, then the light can shine through the vessel of our interactions with each other and we can come to a greater understanding of each other or the issue, bringing us a deeper sense of connection.